Ninety-nine years of solitude left.

BEFORE HE WENT AWAY THE LAST MESSAGE HE SENT ME WAS "Sleep." It was not even "goodbye"—I guess it had not been so because he never wanted me to hear from him again. If you want to slip away you wouldn't think of bidding someone goodbye.

My guilt dreams commenced shortly after he left. There is a striking recurrent pattern in these dreams: He would be flying to Manila. I would meet him at the airport and we'd proceed to a mall because he would be looking for something. Two nights ago he was looking for food. Last night he was looking for a new watch. Just this afternoon in my nap, he was looking for a suit. He told me he would just try it on and would be back in a jiff. He had left me waiting for several minutes already when I finally went searching the fitting rooms and not finding him in any of them. Then I woke up. Part of the dream pattern is me waking up after a futile search.